alone for 1 whole day sucks... No smses caring of me... Miss you can only keep to myself... I have to go watch movie to restrain from keep starting to use my phone to sms you... I thought that if i go to a place with ppl i won't feel alone... I was wrong.. I went to reading room where there are ppl studying there... I still feel lonely... No matter what i do and where i am, the feeling exists.. After SL when i was walking behind you, I feel that our distance is so far...... It just sucks...

I may be strong outside, but not for inside...

I believe that you need time to adjust and make a decision. I believe that i still have the chance.. I believe that by showing you that i am still responsible for things that i have to do even without you will make you feel that i really have grown up and become more mature.. I just hope that you won't let me go...

You don't really tell me what you did today and what you are thinking..... I am super super super worried i don't know whether you notice or not... I know you got think of me but did you thought of me today? You went out with him initially just for lunch.. Then you asked me whether you can go for a movie with him... You know i don't want any guys to be close to you and stuff.. But i won't stop you from doing things you want and I think you have noticed that i was quite sad with that decision. The whole day today is just without you i don't know why and i don't know whether it matters to you. You know he still affects you and stuff and i can't see any reasons why you want to be affected by him. I dunno why you still want to meet him and even go for a movie with him and end up making yourself so sad and stuff... And you know i don't want you to be sad and stuff.. I was waiting for you to come back and cooked for you and put it there for like half and hour and ended up no time for us to eat together.. I don't know whether that matters to you that your stupid boyfriend is doing nothing waiting for you in boarding school and just hope that you can come back and talk to him and you don't even talk to him abt anything today... I really don't understand why you still want to meet him and be affected by him. Like why does he still matters that much to you or sth. You can catch up stuff with him through emails or sth mah why do you need to go out with him for almost whole day and just let your bf stay in boarding school waiting for you worrying about you thinking of you. Maybe you don't even know how worried i was and how sad i was... Ya you can say that i am childish to think so. But does it makes sense that you go out whole day with your ex-bf while letting your bf stay alone for whole day and don't really talk to him and just be affected by your ex-bf all the time? It just makes me feel how come he influences you so much and i am trying to talk to you beside you and you don't even talk to me.....

This post i typed it without thinking cause now i just don't know what to type and i just feel very sad and i don't think you know it anyway. I don't mean anything here and anything typed here is out of impulse. I know i suck as a boyfriend.. Cause maybe after so long just somehow you are still affected by your ex-bf and still meet him and stuff.. And maybe sort of forgot that your bf has been waiting for you the whole day and you didn't even sms him asking whether he is okay all the time and stuff... I think I should tolerate this la... I am just thinking too much... Ya i think to you it is okay to do that and go meet your ex-bf and stuff... Maybe i shouldn't be so demanding and allow you to just do anything you want.. Even though i always feel that you really love me and stuff but just talking to your ex-bf make you being so unsure whether you still love me and stuff.. Why do you still want to be affected by him?? Okay nvm... I am just ranting here. All i typed here is actually nonsense so anyone who read this don't take it seriously.

I am just in a bad mood today... Cause I just fail as a bf.... My tears were rolling down this afternoon... Actually with no reason like you are not like going to break up with me or wad but i just dunno and it just did. Maybe my eyes were pitying me in being so fail and just let my gf go out with her ex-bf for the whole day without doing anything.............

...

You are out with your ex-bf now.. I am quite sad but i understand. I think I should just be okay with any decisions you made... Even if you wanted to go watch movie with him. I not sure whether i am okay and what i am thinking.. Nvm la is just as a friend only anyway.. Although you went out with him alone. I understand you still care for him and stuff and wanted to do stuff for him. So it should be okay i think... I not sure what i am thinking.... i shall go do work so that i won't think too much...