Hello =)

I am happy that things seems to be normal alr =)

u stopped smsing me.

so i assume u're asleep by now. i don't know whether u will get up to go to school with me later or not.

i finished baby blues book

finished baby blues book, finished playing pet society until i really can't stand playing any more, and now i have no idea what to do next.

i really didn't expect u to go out w kairou the moment u left me there, alone. i really don't know what to say, or think..........

from ur gf. or whatever i am now.

when i promised myself i'd never let any other guy hurt me so much,

i really was so pure that i never imagined something like this would happen

and i just really don't know what to do, what i'm supposed to do or what i really want to do.

i'm still too numbed by the truth. that i can't stand up again just yet, to make some sort of a decision.

i guess it's over between us. the scar is so permanent that whether we're together or not, i'm still gonna be haunted everyday. and i doubt anything, anything at all can make me trust you or any other guy again.

it's not gonna make any difference whether you stay or leave. i'm just never ever gonna recover :)

i just hope nothing more will happen to haunt me even more. i hope u're not hurting urself, or trying to kill urself, or whatever. cuz that's the fastest way to drive me really mentally crazy. like the girl in the traumatizing story i talked to u about yesterday. when you left today, what I thought of the most was, i hope i won't become another such story. when i walked back in the darkness, i'm not sure if i was even half sane at all, everything around me looked threatening and as if they were about to jump at me, to start planting voices in my head any time... i wanted to cry but i was too exhausted from crying, so i kept looking around hoping u may appear somewhere somehow, but of course u wouldn't. and if u did appear, i wouldn't know what to say to u either.

i didn't plan to spy on you :) i was just downloading some files, and they got into the same folder as that sickening folder, and i just wondered what's inside and opened it innocently. and i didn't want to believe that was yours. i wanted to convince myself that must be someone who borrowed ur comp for some reason who downloaded cuz you can't possibly do that. and so. i finally realized that i can check ur web history. only to realize that not only that was really yours, but there were more things, and i just got overwhelmed cuz i couldn't even decide what to cry over cuz each of my discoveries hurt me all terribly just the same.

i cried for a shattering of my heart. and several of my dreams, which involve you. of course my life's not over. i have lots of other agendas i'm supposed to achieve.

i just don't know how i can ever start working towards any of them any more.